Oh my, where to start?
I don't take the bus very often, so I almost feel that when I do, it's a treat - especially when something crazy happens. Since I started this blog, I'm feeling that sentiment for bus rides even more. I got a ride to work today, so I had hoped that on my bus ride home I might witness something great and worth blogging about. To my delight - I'm happy to report one of my most epic bus stories in a while:
The bus was full of people, except for the back side-seat. Sitting on the back seat was a drunk-as-shit girl and her boyfriend, who seemed rather sober and a little embarrassed.
It sounded like she was drunkenly mumbling rap lyrics and was making hand gestures to an invisible camera, as if she was in a music video. I discerned a few phrases like, "Man I'm fuckin wasted" and "Pop a glock muthafucka" and other phrases equally eloquently poignant.
Then, she pulls out a can of Molson dry from her jacket pocket, but her boyfriend pipes up to put it away as they're almost at their stop. And she complies, but not for long - she pulls the can out, pops it open and spills fizz all over the place then chugs it back. Keep in mind there are people sitting on the side seat right in front of her and on the seats next to her as well.
Following this awesomeness, she then starts looking around for something and unzips her jacket, underneath which she is wearing a low cut top. She then pulls down her shirt and bra to reveal her bare breast and bus transfer underneath, right where she left it. She ponders the transfer for a moment before exposing her other breast and putting it under that one for safe keeping.
Then as the bus came nearer to downtown and it began to empty, I found myself alone in the back with these people. She starts slapping me and in a drunken slur I make out something like, "Fuck man, go fuckin' sit somewhere else for a minute", I was a little frightened but I decided I'm not going anywhere as I'm getting off soon and enjoying this way too much. Then she says, "If you don't move you'll fuckin' see why I asked you to in a second man", as she starts unzipping her pants. I got worried for a minute that she had a weapon or something, but then as she begins to pull down her pants I realized I was in for something else altogether, but her boyfriend stops her before they get too far. She says something like, "What man, I've gotta fuckin' pissssht" (I don't know if that meant piss or shit, but I don't think it really matters).
So I think the moral of the story is, as long as I live in Winnipeg, the bus will always be exciting.