Thursday, March 10, 2011

The little old blind lady and the OGRE

One of the craziest things that I have witnessed on the bus was one night coming home from downtown on the 11 with my wife.

There was a very tiny little old blind lady (the size of Yoda) sitting in the priority seat at the front. Then this giant Ogre of a man gets on the bus, seriously this guy was like 7.5 feet tall and so drunk out of his mind that he seemed to have reverted to caveman speech. As the tower of a man sways back and forth down the aisle, he takes notice of the little blind baba and crashes down beside her. Keep in mind this was quite late at night, the bus was about 1/8 full and he really could have sat anywhere he wanted.

At first, he just was just minding his own business, but then it was like he realized the little old lady again and leaned over to her and started loudly whispering the most disgusting things to her like, "Ooooh, I bet you have a wet pussy, don't you?", which was probably the least offensive thing he said to her in the parade of disgusting chatter that followed.

Everyone on the bus was aware of what was going on and I find this is very representative of what it's like riding the bus: there can be something awful happening and no one does anything. Especially, when the culprit is a giant, drunken cave troll, people seem to be unable to do anything. Half frozen in fear and half just wanting to remain invisible to the other passengers.

So anyways, this disgusting verbal puke keeps emitting from the cave monster and the old woman begins looking around and whispering, "Help... help me...". The bus driver catches on to what is happening, gets up and threatens the ogre with his transfer puncher, as if he's holding a gun, and says, "GET OFF NOW!", to which the ogre quietly complies.

Once he gets off the bus, we're stopped at a red light. It seems the ogre then realizes, "Wait! Me ogre and me want to eat old lady bones", and (I'm not exaggerating here in the least) he begins pounding the bus with his fists, nearly smashing the windows and then grabs the top of the bus and starts shaking it back and forth while screaming like an animal, which made everyone on the bus begin to scream. He even started to try to rip open the door, but then the bus just sped away, leaving the giant, screaming neanderthal behind.

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